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Y O U T H T E C H N E W S For Kids and Teens, By Kids and Teens ================================================== Add Keyword: YT, YOUTH or YOUTHTECH to your *Favorite Places* list, or we'll hunt you down and drag you here kicking and screaming! ================================================== Saturday, November 16th, 1996 Volume 2, Edition 3 MAKING HEADLINES THIS WEEK . . . # The Not-So-New News: a one-month birthday for the news! # Tourism Angle: explore the depths of Youth Tech! # A Day In The Life: we fire prying questions at the YTCCs! # Return of Techie Pals: yes, it's still here! Bwahahaha! # Geek Humor: humor about... yes, that's right... geeks! # Spotlight on Chat: we've got three new chats to discuss! # Exclamation Points Anonymous Support Group: just kidding :) ========================= ~~> THE NOT-SO-NEW NEWS! ========================= Here is this week's thought-provoking question: why don't I just give up and describe this section as the introduction or the editorial? Why, you ask? Why continue to confuse people everywhere by adding new and catchy slogans every week instead of having the same old boring title? Why make people think I actually have something informative to say about YT News, and then catch them with another fascinating look into the depths of my pysche, because by then it's too late for them to skip to the next section? Why do I do this, you ask? I think you've answered your own question there. Also, you shouldn't be prying anyway. Remember what happened to the cat? <smirk> Because YT News is celebrating its one-month birthday this week, I'd like to take this opportunity to thank a few people. First and foremost, all my loyal readers out there. Secondly, all the readers who think the news really stinks and that someone needs to fire me. At least you guys still read it in the ever-constant attempt to catch me saying something inappropriate. <grin> You'll have a field day with Geek Humor this week. Anyway... I'd also like to thank The Coca-Cola Company, Inc., Nabisco Food Products, The Eagles, Bryan Adams, and the Domino's pizza delivery guy. Without them, publishing the news would not be possible. All comments, complaints, suggestions, opinions and flames should be hurled at me, screen name YTCC Elf. Hopefully not many of that latter. ====================== ~~> THE TOURISM ANGLE! ====================== Yes, YT has turned to that one unfailing angle, that one sure way of attracting notice: the tourism industry! Take a tour into the bowels of Youth Tech, and witness incredible sights better left hidden. We never claimed you'd survive the journey. <insert appropriate evil laughter here> Fasten your modem strings, everyone. And take a tour! Lost? That's what we're here for! Keyword: YT >> Click the small round What's Hot button >> Pick New Member Tour and you're off! =================== ~~> A DAY IN THE LIFE =================== ... of a Youth Tech host, that is. In this new corner of YT News, we catch the hardworking hosts off-duty, trap them, and ask them prying questions until they start wishing they'd applied to Tech Live instead. This week's victim: Youth Tech News went behind the scenes and couldn't find anyone to interview, so here's a conversation with one of the voices in YTCC Elf's head, instead. YT News: Aha! I see an elf. YTCC Elf: No, you don't. Er, you're not supposed to anyway. Darn, that vanishing spell must have messed up again. It's impossible to find reliable magic these days. YT News: So, you're a magical elf? Yeah, right. YTCC Elf: Yes, I most certainly am. Don't you take that tone of disbelief with me. You're here to interview, not to insult. I'll have you fired for this. YT News: Um, elf deary. You ARE me, remember? You're the one who interviews hosts for YT News. Fire me, and you're out of a job. YTCC Elf: Oh. Sorry. I keep forgetting that. But... why am I interviewing myself? That's rather pointless. I already know all about me. More than I'd like to know about me. YT News: You're interviewing yourself because there are lots of people out there who don't know about you. They'd like to find out what makes you tick. Scientists, mostly. Investigating the effects of prolonged caffeine on the elven body. YTCC Elf: Eeeek! I'm being published? YT News: It's not as messy as cutting you open. YTCC Elf: Sheesh. I'd hope not. Well, to answer the question, it's my heart that makes me tick. Also, coca-cola. And pizza. Oh, don't forget Oreos. Rice Krispies treats, too. The one four-letter word I can't bring myself to utter? "Diet." YT News: You have terrible eating habits, y'know? YTCC Elf: Great. It's not enough that my mom's after me to eat more salad; now the voices in my head are nagging too. YT News: Sorry. Well, that's all for this week! YTCC Elf: You mean you're leaving? YT News: Yep. Later, elf. :) Eeeney, meeney, miney, moe! Catch a staffer by the toe. And ask them questions before letting them go. Check back next week for another YT Host interview! ========================= ~~> RETURN OF TECHIE PALS! ========================= It's baaaack! More accurately, it never left. What is Techie Pals, you ask? Crawl back under your rock and go to sleep, I reply. We've been here before. Techie Pals is a great way to meet new and interesting pals who also frequent the Youth Tech Forum. In short, other people who are just as wacked-out as you are! And we try to claim YT isn't a dating service. Sheesh. Send the following form to screen name YTMail: First Name: Birthday (mm/dd/yy): Favorite Color: Location (State/Country): Computer You Use: Favorite Software: Favorite Computer Game: Hobbies: Other Stuff You Want To Say: Remember, send the form to screen name YTMail. If for some reason you don't like that address, send it here instead: Wang Chung's Paper Recycling Co. 123 Trash Street, Apartment 45. Hong Kong, China Impatient, are you? Want to meet a new friend NOW? Here's the quickest way to go! Keyword: YT >> Click the small round What's Hot button >> Select "NEW: Techie Pals!" Stay tuned for "Bride of Techie Pals" next week! ================= ~~> GEEK HUMOR ================= Now, here's some food for thought. Out of all the people who subscribe to YT News, guess how many sent in jokes this week? If you guessed "one" you're absolutely correct! Johnny, tell them what they've won. Here's the joke part. You don't win anything! <giggle> Here's an interesting story about a business lunch, sent in by screen name EgbertMole, aka Lacey. Thanks, Lacey. :) This Week's Geek Humor: ######################################################### Bill Gates, Andy Grove, & Jerry Sanders (CEOs of Microsoft, Intel & AMD) were at a high-powered business meeting. During the serious, tense discussions, a beeping noise was suddenly emitted from where Bill was sitting. Bill said: "Oh! that's my emergency beeper. Gentlemen, excuse me, I really need to take this call.: So Bill lifted his wrist-watch to his ear and began talking into the end of his tie. Having completed the call, he noticed the others were staring at him. So Bill explained : "Oh, this is my new emergency communication system. I have an earpiece built into my watch and a microphone sewn into the end of my tie. That way, I can take a call anywhere." The others nodded, and the meeting continued. 5 minutes later, the discussion was again interrupted when this time round, from Andy started a beeping sound. "Oh that's my emergency beeper" he said. "Excuse me gentlemen, this must be an important call." Andy tapped his earlobe and began talking into thin air. When he completed the call, he noticed the others staring at him and thus explained, "I also have an emergency communication system. But my earpiece is actually implanted in my earlobe, and the microphone is embedded in this fake tooth, isn't that neat?" The others nodded and the meeting continue. Later still, the discussion was again interrupted when Jerry emitted a thunderous fart. He looked up at the others staring at him and said, "Uhh, somebody get me a piece of paper..... I'm receiving a fax." ######################################################### ROTF! Remember, send jokes to screen name YTCC Elf. A side note on this week's humor: if you're about to write me and complain that the joke was in poor taste, you need to get a life. Have a nice day! ===================== ~~> SPOTLIGHT ON CHAT ===================== Chat is cool at YT! Each week I'll be choosing three hosted chats and telling you all about 'em. Be there or be ovuloid! * New Software Releases-- Wednesday, 9pm YTCC Magic discusses what's new and hot in the world of software. Obviously, he has no life, but don't tell him I said so! <smirk> * Internet Chat-- Thursday, 10pm Welcome to the wonderful world of ISPs, TCP\IP, ASCII and more! YTCC Music can tell you what all these strange letters mean. * Web Clubs-- Saturday, 11pm Looking for a web club to join? Have one to advertise? Not quite sure what a web club is? Check this chat for the dirt on clubs! Also, don't miss Youth Tech's *new and expanded* chat schedule, including great Afterschool Open Chats from 4pm to 6pm every weekday! That's All, Folks! *-------------------------------------------------------------------------* Stay tuned for another exciting issue next week! ===REMEMBER, DON'T GIVE OUT YOUR PASSWORD!!!=== No AOL employee will EVER ask you for your password. If you give it out by mistake, go immediately to keyword: PASSWORD and change your password! And don't try surfing anyone, either. ***WANT TO UNSUBSCRIBE?*** The answer is: NO! Of course you don't want to unsubscribe. But if you really, truly feel that you must, I suppose we understand. 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